The Differences Between Italians and Italian Americans

Ever wonder why Italian-Americans look like this?

and this

and are stereotyped like this?

While real Italians tend to look like this?

and this?

(alright so he's in Italy but not really Italian, let's try this instead)

They both eat pasta, right?

They both eat all sorts of cured meats and cheeses, right?

Hell, the real Italians even eat lardo, straight up pig fat.  

Well on a sleepless night on a recent trip to Italy, I figured it all out.  The secret, friends, to eating what you want and staying thin, follows right here.  The Italians brought us the Fiat after we brought them Ford.  The Italians brought us Prime Minister Silvio Burlusconi after we brought them President Bill Clinton.  And now folks, the Italians have brought us the MAX Personal Trainer, after we brought them the Shake Weight.

You're welcome.