The Differences Between Italians and Italian Americans

Ever wonder why Italian-Americans look like this?

and this

and are stereotyped like this?

While real Italians tend to look like this?

and this?

(alright so he's in Italy but not really Italian, let's try this instead)

They both eat pasta, right?

They both eat all sorts of cured meats and cheeses, right?

Hell, the real Italians even eat lardo, straight up pig fat.  

Well on a sleepless night on a recent trip to Italy, I figured it all out.  The secret, friends, to eating what you want and staying thin, follows right here.  The Italians brought us the Fiat after we brought them Ford.  The Italians brought us Prime Minister Silvio Burlusconi after we brought them President Bill Clinton.  And now folks, the Italians have brought us the MAX Personal Trainer, after we brought them the Shake Weight.

You're welcome.

Mistral - Bellagio, Italy

Michelin rated, this place was great, but pretty pricey and fancy, though the food was excellent and the service even better.  I like the down and dirty Italian cooking a bit better, but this really was good.

So.  Let's do some food math.  Scroll slowly and see how many YOU can get right.  I'm guessing this is a first for a Michelin rated restaurant review.

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That's right, eggplant mousse with roasted tomatoes, toasted bread, and parmigiana foam!

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Yep, risotto with goat cheese, mushrooms, and chocolate.

3.

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You guessed it.  Peacock tortellini with peacock and porcini broth.

Alright, things get a bit more complicated from here, we've got multiple preparations of the same meat on each plate.  Ready?  Here goes.

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(if you got this one, you're good)

Lamb cutlet with aromatic herbs, lamb shoulder cooked at a low temperature, and lamb tongue with red wine sauce.  BAM!

and finally, 

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Final answer...stewed pork leg and pork chop with honey and myrtle.

Congratulations, you have just spent a mere fraction of the time that I did on this, so go ahead and rate yourself.  

If you got 5 out of 5 correct, congratulations, you're as bored as I am.

If you got 4 out of 5 correct, pat yourself on the back, you've got nothing better to do.

If you got 3 out of 5 correct, I applaud you for trying.

If you got 2 out of 5 correct, you must be gainfully employed and gave up halfway through.

If you got 1 out of 5 correct, well done.

And if you didn't get any correct, you're the only smart one in the room.

Hotel Metropole - Bellagio, Italy

Terrace Dining on the Lake - great pastas and an even better view...

Arugula Salad with Parmigiana and Tomato

Malloredus with Sausage Ragu

Pizzoccheri - buckwheat pasta with cabbage, potato and mountain cheese

Ristorante Barchetta - Bellagio, Italy

Best restaurant in Bellagio in my opinion, just a little sidewalk restaurant in the middle (horizontally and vertically) of town.

Run by this guy.

Fantastic lake food and pastas.

Mixed Meats

Penne Quatro Formaggi

Gnocchi Gorgonzola

Sauteed Lake Perch and Risotto