Red's Porch - Austin, TX

Not sure why, but every time I drive by Red's Porch, my first thought is a vision in my head of Sam Elliott calmly stating, "I'm Red, and this here is my porch", while welcoming guests with a sweep of the arm and a crooked smile.

My second thought is always, "damnit all does that place ever look like a Citibank".

Well, to those who know, Red's is actually BEHIND the bank.  Probably not hard to figure out, but just thought I'd clarify.

As far as atmosphere goes, this place is tops.  A two story, indoor-outdoor structure with a fantastic second level bar and porch with an even better view of the canyon-like Greenbelt with a distant view of the hills of Westlake.  Put simply, this is a small slice of vacation lake life without the lake.  It beats a drive out to Lake Travis when you're just looking for that feeling, some food, and some drinks on a nice day, and want to avoid the crowds and the scantily-but-should-be-clad boaters stopping in for some more beer at Hula Hut or Abel's on the Lake (both great spots though in their own right).  

My good friend Spike and I stopped in for a quick burger and beer yesterday after a muni round on a beautiful February day.  High hopes for the atmosphere, and tempered hopes of a great burger, we were both pleasantly surprised by all, and had a great time.

I opted for the Manimal, upgraded for grass-fed, natural beef, topped with grilled onions, cheddar, swiss and homemade Thousand Island, and Spike opted for the Smokey Goat burger, topped with "deep" smoked bacon, fried onions, and goat cheese.  And then we did what two dudes normally don't do in a public setting, we cut those suckers in half and traded so we could try each of them.  In the name of reviewing.  Glad we did.

Both very good.  The grass-fed natty patty on the Manimal had a rich, moist, and beefy flavor, complemented nicely by sweet, carmelized onions.  I'd have liked some more tang from the Thousand Island to balance the onions, as it erred toward the sweet side, though was well prepared and very good.

(picture a half pound burger on a sourdough bun with grilled onion, cheddar, swiss, and 1000 island here)

The Smokey Goat was excellent.  Bacon was as advertised and cooked perfectly.  Not crumbly and not chewy.  Thin sliced and fried onions provided a crunch and sweetness, which balanced perfectly with the soft, tangy goat cheese.  Smokey, sweet, salty, tangy, beefy.  A great combination of flavor.

Fries came with both, and while not mind blowing, were pretty good.  A bit on the cool side, and clearly just fried once, they came well seasoned with flaky kosher salt.  Dipped in a self-made-at-the-table hot sauce laced ketchup, or the side of cilantro mayo that I ordered, they rounded out the meal, as did my Austin Beerworks Pearl Snap Pils, which was just one of a large list of local, domestic and import brews available for the taking.

This is a laid back, very Austin, perfect atmosphere, where you can spend countless hours on a nice afternoon drinking beer, a decent glass of wine, or a cocktail, keeping any worries the past week may have brought, or the current week may bring, far, far away.

Sometimes you eat the bar, and...well...sometimes the bar eats you.  I'm good with either.  And this is the right bar.

Summary

Atmosphere:  relaxing lakeside bar just without the lake but fantastic views, laid back, outdoor seating, sit outside

Food:  burgers, sandwiches, home-cooking and Tex-Mex. you feel like it, you got it.

Crowd:  goooooood looooookin', young, old, beachy, swimsuits, tank tops, bare feet, canine, large groups, small groups, hotchicks, hipsters, and starving artists

When to Go:  any afternoon when the weather is nice, brunch on the weekends

What to Order:  whatever you feel like, you're there for the the atmosphere, the company, and the beer

Dog Friendly:  absolutely, they'll have lots of friends

Carl's Jr. - Austin, TX

Pressed for time this afternoon, I made my maiden voyage to the Carl's Jr. drive-thru.  Yes, I promise I won't review too many fast food places, as most opinions have long since been formed, and it's generally not interesting, but I felt compelled to review this one for a few reasons:

1.  Carl's Jr. is quite easily the dumbest name I've ever heard for a restaurant, no offense to Carl or his dad.

2.  A Hardee's Mushroom & Swiss loyalist (I'm from the midwest) as a kid, this was my first visit to it's twin brother.

3.  They've brought Pulp Fiction's Big Kahuna Burger to the real world, and to the lucky residents of Westlake.

And because everything is funnier in German...

Anyway....

Cleverly disguised as the Teriyaki Burger, we all know what this is.

Yep.

Chargrilled beef, grilled pineapple, Swiss (the fake kind) cheese, tomato, red onion and mayonnaise.  Yep, Sammy Jack's favorite, the Big Kahuna Burger.  Worthy of a tasty beverage to WASH down this tasty burger.

I opted to go without lettuce, according to the picture menu it looked like the wilted green variety that certainly wouldn't make the drive, and I'd recommend you do the same.

This thing was actually really good, though you'd better be ready for the sweet tang of teriyaki sauce.  Now I've never been to a Carl's Jr., but they do a good burger.  It's actually got flavor, a nice chargrilled flavor at that, without that sickly gassy flavor that other fast food joints have, though I won't say who.

Anyway, in addition to the beef, the sauce was pretty good, and onion was perfect to cut the sweet of both it and the pineapple, as well as add a much needed texture to an otherwise very soft (and that's a good thing) sandwich.

Decent fast food if your'e in the mood for fast food.



Summary:

It's fast food, I'm not going to bother with this.

Texas Honey Ham Company - Austin, TX

Texas Honey Ham.................YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWWWW!

Reviewed this one already...

http://thefatartery.blogspot.com/2011/11/texas-honey-ham-company.html

...but stopped in for breakfast yesterday after hearing their breakfast tacos were no joke.

Their breakfast tacos were no joke.

Sausage and egg, bacon and egg, baked potato hash and egg, and ham, egg and serranos.

All were very good...but let me sidestep here and say that just watching the guy working the morning shift on the flattop yesterday was like watching an artist with a canvas.  Eggs handled right hand only...crack, split, tossed...yes tossed (his range was about two and half feet) to the appropriate part of the griddle in the same swoop that delivered the shell to the trash.  His work with the spatulas (two of them simultaneously) puts him one rice volcano and a shrimp flip shy of the great Benny Hanna, and has me thinking his chopstick skills might rival Miyagi.

That said, back to the tacos.  All were good, the eggs being that half scrambled variety that though properly chopped together with the rest of the ingredients, leave you with a few really nice yolk bites and some texture.  The meat, all good, though there is no chorizo on the menu and the sausage, while nice, was fairly bland.  Ham was their signature ham, nicely chunked and sweet and salty at the same time.  Bacon, not over crisp, but not chewy.  Perfect consistency to be cut into the egg.  Potatoes were a nice change from a hash brown, darker in color and a little deeper in flavor, though I couldn't exactly put my finger on what they had done to them.  Tortillas were soft, and nicely wrapped in foil perfect for eating in the car if you needed to, and the salsa was homemade and fresh, on the mild side, but perfectly complementary of the tacos, not overpowering in flavor nor heat.  My recommendation if you're into heat in the morning is to adjust it using peppers.  Mild:  just use the salsa.  Medium:  get fresh jalapenos cut into your taco.  Hot:  same but with the serranos.  Just enough heat to make it hum, but not enough to cause you to turn back around on your way to work.

So, my order of preference of these things:

1.  Ham, egg, serrano
2.  Bacon and egg
3.  Baked potato hash and egg
4.  Sausage and egg

Alphabetical order of these things:

1.  Bacon and egg
2.  Baked potato hash and egg
3.  Ham, egg, serrano
4.  Sausage and egg

Front to back on the pig:

1.  Baked potato hash and egg (they'll eat anything, and trust me you want the way in, not out)
2.  Sausage and egg
3.  Bacon and egg
4.  Ham and egg

Right aligned, reverse alphabetical by ninth to last character, spaces being before A and punctuation being after Z:

1.  Ham, egg, serrano

2.  Bacon and egg

3.  Baked potato hash and egg

4.  Sausage and egg

Now, all that said, this is a mix and match place.   I'm a heat and freshness guy, so will opt for the serranos on whatever I get next, and though I do love the front part of the pig, I'll probably pass on the sausage and stick to ham and bacon.

Maybe I'll add some cheese to complete the trifecta...

Summary:

Check out the prior review.

Way South Philly - Austin, TX

A few days ago I reviewed the cheesesteak at Delaware Sub Shop with a theme based on Always Sunny in Philadelphia, both of which I am a big fan of.  I thought it was a good cheesesteak, the best I'd had in Texas in fact, which was true as of a few days ago, but which is very, very wrong today after a trip to Way South Philly.

I was naive.

I was blind.

Blinded by a two year absence from the City of Brotherly Love.

So first and foremost, to Charlie, to Mac, to Dennis, and of course to Sweet Dee (not so much you, Frank, you are a dirty, dirty little man), I AM SORRY.  You all have my sincerest apology in associating you with a sandwich, that while good, and while a cheesesteak, is not worthy of being a PHILLY cheesesteak.

Way South Philly, now THAT is what a Philly cheesesteak is supposed to taste like.   THAT is a Philly cheesesteak.

Delaware, I salute you for trying, and for making a good sandwich, but most of all for stimulating my appetite for a cheesesteak and getting me out there in search of Austin's best.  And as of right now, that Belt lies firmly around the bloated waist of a little trailer out on East 6th, Way South Philly.

For starters, the guy who runs the place is a Philadelphia transplant, hailing from just across the river in south Jersey.  And he's got a resume.  First off, his favorite steak joint in Philadelphia is Jim's, which is legit, less known to tourists, and a favorite of many locals.  Two, he's a good family friend of the folks who make arguably the best roast beef sandwich in the city, Tommy DeNic's at the Reading Terminal Market.  C.) when I started a conversation about pork roll, not only did he know what I was talking about, but he told me that he had some, having just brought it back with him from a recent trip.

So, enough about the man, let's talk about the sandwiches.  Proudly displayed on the side of the trailer is a sign stating that they serve their sandwiches on real Amoroso rolls, straight from Philadelphia, and the only roll that a Philadelphian will accept.  And they are every bit of it.  Buttery, light, soft, and toasty, these things hold that greasy, cheesy goodness more snuggly than a McPoyle holds his milk.

And the cheese.  First thing you see when you peer in the window is this...

Yep.  Wiz.  The real deal.

So, there are several combinations of cheesesteaks here that all looked incredible, but for comparison's sake, I settled on...

THE PAULIE

paul•ie  |ˈpôlē| - adjective – 1. Rocky Balboa’s brother-in-law : Paulie, it’s Thanksgiving, I got a turkey in the oven.  2.  a generous portion of seasoned grilled philly steak, sautéed with steamed onions and mushrooms, then topped with Cheez Wiz : Yeah, I’ll have the Paulie, wit wiz.

Two words:  incredible

Seriously, this thing was perfect.  You know the saying, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts?   Well, it applies to cheesesteaks.  That's for damn sure.  When all of those ingredients are put together on the flat top, and their juices and flavors combine, they become something much, much more.  The flavors change.  They become one.  It.  Becomes one.  It.  Becomes a cheesesteak.

I'm going to offer a comparison here for those who may not have had a real cheesesteak, but may have had one of these.  White Castle.  And I mean no disrespect to Philadelphia, I'm not comparing a White Castle to a great cheesesteak, this is purely illustrative.  Try to make a slider at home.  Good, right?  Now go to White Castle and get the real deal.  See the difference?  You can't find the lines between bun, onion, meat, cheese and bun, nor can you taste any individual ingredient.  It has become one soft, oniony mess, with a flavor all it's own.  And that's what you get with a good steak sandwich, and that's what you get at Way South Philly.  He nailed it.

Oh, before I finish up.  Tots.  Wiz.

Yup.

I think the picture says it all.

Summary

Atmosphere:  food truck, outdoor seating, smoking section, perfect for lunch, carry out

Food:  real deal Philly cheesesteaks

Crowd:  not-so-tough guys, guy in a tie, lady smoking a cigarette and drinking a Dr. Pepper, looked a little like Mac's mom

Dog Friendly:  yes

What to Order for the First Timer:  The Paulie

Best Time to Go:  lunch on a nice day, after the bars on a weekend

Delaware Sub Shop - Austin, TX

12:23

on a Thursday

The Gang Goes to Delaware

Kind of...

...well not at all actually.  First off, there was not gang, it was just me, and second of all, it was Delaware Sub Shop.  In Austin.  Texas.  Nowhere close to Delaware or Philadelphia.  Nicer people though.

So here's what I'm going to tell you to do next Thursday.  Go to Delaware Sub Shop for the special of the day, the Philly cheesesteak.

Now I've reviewed this place before, and it's a good sandwich shop, but it's pretty sterile inside and a place that's probably better suited for a carry out or a call ahead/quickie.  But on Thursdays...oh, Thursday...the place is transformed by a full griddle of carmelizing onions and searing ribeye, filling the place with a greasy haze that even your eyeballs can taste, and making you feel as close to the wrong side of the tracks on Snyder Avenue as you can get this side of the Mississippi.

Seriously though, the place has a different feel on Thursdays, and I get the impression most of the crowd there are Thursday regulars.  And even more seriously, the cheesesteaks are legit.

As with a true Philly cheesesteak, it starts with the bread.  I'm not sure if this is a true Amoroso roll, probably not, but it sure has a really close taste and feel to it.  Soft but sturdy, adequately malleable, with the telltale griddle marks and crispness on the edge indicating that these guys know what they're doing.  

Order a 7" or a 14", the latter looks much more impressive split in half and side by side in its basket, and though fourteen inches sounds huge, the proportions are right, and I guarantee if you order the seven incher you're going to wish you had that second half.   

Mushrooms and onions?  Absolutely.  Hot or sweet peppers?  Hot please.   Ketchup?  No thanks, give me mayo.  

And that was my order.  The beef was hot and tender, slightly caramelized to flavor perfection.  The mushrooms and onions were perfect.  That fine line between crisp and soft, with just enough tooth to provide a contrast to the bread and meat, and with just enough cooking to give it that fantastic seasoned griddle flavor.  The hot peppers are an addition that I'd recommend, I prefer hot to sweet, and prefer peppers to none.  These appeared to have been the chopped cherry pepper variety, and added a cool, sweet heat to the sandwich.  As for the mayo, I love it on a cheesesteak, I think because it feels a lot like an extension of the cheese without adding any conflicting flavors, and it fixes any dryness the sandwich may feature, though this one had no problems, and the mayo and provolone blended together to make this sandwich the best Philly cheesesteak I've had anywhere outside of Philadelphia, though I still long for a trip across the tracks back to John's Roast Pork

Summary

http://thefatartery.blogspot.com/2011/06/delaware-sub-shop-austin-tx.html

Only modification to my previously posted summary...go on Thursday.  Get the cheesesteak.

Dirty Martin's - Austin, TX

I'll let my previous postings on Dirty's speak for the place itself, but must post this to say that Dirty's has the best Chicken Fried Steak Sandwich in Austin.

For years I've stuck to the burgers and sirloin sandwich, which I believe are the best in town, but the other day I decided to stray from my normal orders and give the chicken fried steak a shot.  Wow.  Homemade and deep fried, this sandwich was the perfect blend of tender and crisp, with a great black pepper flavor, just the right amount of grease, a soft bun, and crisp iceberg lettuce and a cool, ripe tomato and mayo to balance it all out.  If you're in the market for one, hit up Dirty's.

Summary

http://thefatartery.blogspot.com/2011/03/dirty-martins-austin-tx.html

Lily's Sandwich - Austin, TX

Since I was already up in Chinatown to try the sandwiches at Baguette House (http://thefatartery.blogspot.com/2011/12/baguette-house-austin-tx.html), I decided to pop into another sandwich shop recommended to me by a little Vietnamese guy for a frame of reference by which to judge the wonderful sandwiches I'd just had.

Lily's Sandwiches got the nod.  Located in the same 21st century slice of China in north Austin...

...Lily's was more along the lines of what I expected of an authentic Vietnamese sandwich shop, the kind of place that makes any white man pause, take a deep breath, and wonder if this is the right decision before opening the door to a great unknown.  Also in-line shop space, this one remains a mystery until that door opens because of the opaqueness of the windows, painted with all sorts of writing and pictures not understandable to anyone not fluent in the language.

As the door opens, the mystery continues when a fish/dried shrimp smell hits you in the face at the same time you see the disposable tin of eggrolls in front of the counter for you to take for a buck.  Given the smell, I'm not sure I'd eat there, and I was getting my sandwich to go anyway, and I opted for the grilled pork sandwich.  Similar in look to the one at Baguette House, the bread was more along the lines of what I'd expect from a store bought baguette, good, but a bit chewy for a sandwich, and tougher to eat.  Ingredients were largely the same...cilantro, jalapeno, carrots, onion, but this place used some sort of brown sauce, which was good, but overall couldn't compare to the feel and flavors of Baguette House.

If you're making the drive, bypass this one and go around the corner where you'll feel better and won't be disappointed.

Summary

Atmosphere:  authentic, a little smelly, a little dirty, limited seating, good for take-away

Food:  Vietnamese sandwiches

Crowd:  real Vietnamese people

Dog Friendly:  only if you want them cooked

When to Go:  lunch

What to Order for the First Timer:  Baguette House

Baguette House - Austin, TX

I went to Chinatown for a Vietnamese sandwich.

Does that make me racist?

No.  Because they set up shop there, blurring the lines themselves and perpetuating ignorant stereotypes that all Asians are, and cook, the same.  They're not and they don't, but I don't really care because it's all  really good.  

Baguette House is worth the drive.  

This place, as the name would suggest, has some of the best bread I've ever had, as if a little Vietnamese man bedded a talented French baker, resulting in something both the Vietnamese (Chinese?) and French would be jealous of.  Incredibly soft, with a thin and crisp, but not too tough or chewy, outer layer, which is absolutely perfect for a sandwich, or to eat by itself or as a side for any meal.  The nice thing here too is that though not on the menu, you can buy this bread to take home.  

You'd be a fool though not to get a sandwich while you're there.  They're incredible, perfectly sized for lunch, and around $3 each, a steal.  

Let's start with Chinatown though.  Forget all you know about hanging chickens, smelly fruits, and eyeballs, this is a Chinatown of the 21st century, a master-planned, newly built strip center with all of the authenticness of a real Chinatown without the scary feel of dismembered eyeballs and dried mystery meats staring you in the face and stinging your nostrils with a "dear God, what the hell is that, turn and run" sort of olfactory violation.  Gringos, fear not what Baguette House can do to you, fear what you miss by not going.

Baguette House is a sparkling new sandwich shop which has a cleaner feel than any sandwich chain you've ever been in, and serves up some incredible Vietnamese sandwiches.  I opted to give two of them a shot while I was there, namely to amortize the $9.80 round-trip, IRS milage-based cost of this nine mile each way drive over a couple of meals, and also because I couldn't decide what to get.  

First up, meatball sandwich.  

No balls here, just an incredible flavorful and moist combination of ground pork and spices, topped with fresh cilantro, jalapenos, carrots and onions, with some sort of mayonnaise-like sauce binding it all together.  The quality of the bread here completes the sandwich.  Where as many places may use a baguette with a little more tooth to it, causing the contents of the sandwich to squeeze out the back, Baguette House's tears away easily leaving every bite a perfect combination of all ingredients.  I'll be back for this one.

Second, the grilled bbq pork sandwich.

Signature bright red grilled and sliced pork, with the same toppings and bread as the meatball sandwich, this was good, but not as good as the meatball.  The pork was very mild, and lacked the great flavor of the meatball, but was tender with a nice grilled flavor, and easy to eat.  

Staff here is incredibly friendly, and very interested in what a six foot white guy thinks of their sandwiches, and helps to put anyone without a clue of what a menu item is at ease and comfortable in their order.  

This place is a little bit of a trek from downtown, but well worth the drive for a good, cheap lunch fix.  

Summary

Atmosphere:  clean, Panera-like sandwich shop in a corner spot of a strip mall, good place for dine-in or take-away, great spot for lunch

Food:  Vietnamese sandwiches, bread

Crowd:  real Vietnamese people, real Chinese people (so you know it's good), white folk, businessmen, rickshaw drivers

Dog Friendly:  no

Time to Go:  lunch

What to Order for the First Timer:  meatball sandwich

NeWorlDeli - Austin, TX

I think I've found Austin's best Reuben...

Tender corned beef stacked high with sauerkraut, Swiss cheese and Russian dressing on the lightest rye bread you'll ever have, crispy on the outside, really soft everywhere else.  Served with a dill pickle.

What more could you want?

I won't ruin it with words.



Summary

Atmosphere:  deli

Food:  sandwiches

Crowd:  lunchers

Dog Friendly:  no

When to Go:  lunch

What or Order for the First Timer:  Reuben

Texas Honey Ham Company

Do you ever long for those leftover ham sandwiches in the weeks following Easter and Christmas, but find that fifty weeks out of the year don't have a religious holiday that justifies you cooking four times the quantity of food that any normal person should?

Then folks, Texas Honey Ham Company is for you.

I know, I know, this place is a little flashy for a sandwich shop, but try to see through all the pomp and circumstance and see that this place is THE place to go for a hand-carved sandwich that makes you feel like you're in the comfort of your childhood home.

Several different sandwich options here, based mainly on ham and turkey, and I opted for their signature sandwich, The Choice Slice Sandwich.

A third of a pound of carved, cooked ham, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, dirty mustard, and mayo on a toasted fresh baked bun.  Wow, this was great.  The ham tasted just like a holiday ham cut right from the bone, tender and juicy, the lettuce and onion provided a crisp crunch, and the sweet-side mustard brought it all together on a really, really good, soft bun.

The baked potato casserole you see to the side of it I could do without on my next trip.  Really nothing more than lumpy mashed red potatoes with nearly undetectable traces of bacon and onion.  Remember though, you're here for the sandwich.  Get some chips.

Summary

Atmosphere:  homey, neighborhoody, great for a lunch meeting, family friendly, carryout

Food:  ham and turkey sandwiches, soups and salads

Crowd:  families, neighbors, hotmoms, businessmen

Dog Friendly:  yes, at a few outside tables

When to Go:  lunch

What to Order for the First Timer:  The Choice Slice Sandwich or the Club

Hank's Garage - Austin, TX

Admittedly and regrettably I haven't posted many restaurant reviews lately as I've been cooking at home nearly every night and when I have stopped somewhere for a bite, it's been for the old standbys that I've already written about.  That said, let's see if I remember how to do this.

                                  Hank's Garage                                          Belgian Pub

                                                Hank's Garage                  Belgian Pub

                                                         Hanks Garage, Belgian Pub

I know, doesn't really seem to jive, does it.  I'm afraid this place is suffering from location and identity issues.  I've been wanting to check out this "Belgian Pub" for a while now, and finally made it there last week for a quick dinner and a beer.

I wasn't sure quite what to expect, but was hoping it was along the lines of a place called Vol de Nuit in the West Village of Manhattan, which I visited a few years back.  Not having been to Belgium to see what a real Belgian Pub is like, I've got to believe that this is a pretty good replication...

...save for greasy tank tops, of course.

Small, intimate, secluded, dark only for the dimly lit red lights, dusty hardwood floors, fantastic Belgian beers of all sorts on tap, expertly executed fries, and mouthwatering mussels swimming in a flavorful broth.

Instead, we've got this...

...which doesn't look all that bad in these pictures, I realize, but just doesn't have that feel that I so expected and wanted.  First off, the place is huge, and with windows across the entire front of the joint, exposed ceilings and concrete floors, an open kitchen, and a menu meant to look like a clipboard list of garage services and estimates, it just doesn't scream PUB at me.  Give me dark.  Give me scary.  Give me food that comes from a mysterious room somewhere off the grid.

If the place isn't packed (and there were two other people there when I was there), sounds quietly echo
through the place, even over the horrific sounds of Brent Musburger ringing out from one of several flat screen TVs around the place.  It's identity crisis starts with it trying to decide if it's a restaurant, a pub, or a sports bar, and with a location at Second and San Jacinto downtown, it's more likely to attract name-tagged convention goers than thirsty locals looking for a place to drown the beating of a hard days work in some high-octane beer.

Now, I get that the place has a history, and is in fact a former garage, as the bartenders will clearly point out, but it just doesn't seem to fit with the theme they're going for.

That said...despite the odd format, the menu looked excellent, and I would have had trouble picking out what to eat if not for my craving for fries that lead me there in the first place.  Even with that, there are a lot options for fries, starting with regular or duck fat, and then a great list of dipping sauces including garlicky aioli, smoked paprika mayonnaise, dill creme fraiche, Sriracha mayo and Bearnaise.  They've also got poutine, a north of the border delicacy known more commonly to American Northeast stoners and ski bums as french fries and gravy, which caught my attention quickly.  They have a few different kinds, but I went with the classic, with brown sauce and cheese curds, and for no extra charge I added a side of smoked paprika mayonnaise.

Awesome.  It was awesome.

Fries leaning toward the soggy side, a combination of cooking technique and gravy, without being greasy, a flavorful gravy, chewy cheese curds, and a wonderfully flavored dipping sauce.

I paired it with a Duchess de Bourge ale, which was the closest they could come to a sour beer I was looking for, and though a little on the sweet side for my taste, it was very good and went perfectly with the fries.  I'd have liked to see a little more Belgian oriented beer selection, but I do realize this is Texas, so to survive they must have the basics.  It was a little disheartening though to see Coors and Coors light at the top of the draught menu, and only after twenty beers ranging the gambit from American mass-produced to widely-distributed microbrews to German, Scottish and Irish lagers did they get to nine Belgians that they feature, half of which are made on this side of the Atlantic.  That said, there's a taste on there for everyone, so if you're with a group looking for fries and beer, this is a good spot.

And it's a spot that I'll go back to.  For the fries, a great beer, and Brent Musburger's opinion on whatever it is he feels like talking about, God help us all.

Summary:

Atmosphere:  confused, sports barry, a little sterile, good for groups

Food:  Belgian influenced, fries, mussels, burgers, sandwiches, and meat dishes

Crowd:  two old guys in starched shirts (on my visit there)

Dog Friendly:  no

When to Go:  happy hour, dinner

What to Order for the First Timer:  Classic Poutine with Smoked Paprika Mayonnaise

Zimmerhanzel's Bar-B-Que - Smithville, TX

Guten Tag, Mein Freund...

How's this place look?

Zimmerhanzel's Bar-B-Que.  When you're missing a Q, cut a notch in your O.  And make sure people know you're open.  Two signs are always better than one.

Had a chance to swing by this place on my way back from Houston late afternoon last week for a quick bite to eat.  Opened the front door and walked right into my elementary school cafeteria, milk money in hand.

Yep.  Six sided folding tables, rock hard chairs, dropped ceiling, cafeteria line, and lunch ladies.  But with a meat processing plant immediately next door, I hoped the quality of the food was better than the hot pack/cold pack variety I used to get.  And it was.

Hold on a second.

Duck, duck...wait, deer, deer, deer, deer, BOBCAT!

And I secured a chair.  Ok, so this place isn't really exactly like my elementary school cafeteria, as we lacked the dead animals on the wall, but it was a good pit stop on my drive nonetheless.

As happens periodically at the central Texas small town barbecue joints, my late arrival limited my choices to just chopped beef and sausage, so I had them pile both on a bun with some onions and went to work.    

Sausage was fantastic, cut in half lengthwise and placed lovingly on a soft bed of chopped beef, the juices of which permeated the bottom bun to the point of making it difficult to eat as a sandwich, but packed with flavor.  I was a bit disappointed with the chopped beef having been stewed in their sauce prior to serving, as I like to control my sauce and also sample the flavor of the beef itself before seasoning it.  That said, the beef was flavorful and tender, with just the right mix of fat, meat, and bark, and the sauce, extra of which was available center hexagon in a used 60oz Heinz ketchup squeeze bottle, was thin and vinegary with a hint of heat.   The sausage was packed with flavor, with the casing providing a perfect snap, and really made this sandwich.  If I do it again, I'll skip the onions, which were thinly sliced whites which tasted like they'd been cut well in advance and left to sweat, which when taken in stride with the size of the cut, took away nearly all of the crunch and coolness I love and expect of onions on a sandwich as a stark contrast in texture from the tenderness and heat of the meat.

The sides behind the sneeze guard, consisting of the basic slaw, potato salad, and beans, looked run of the mill almost as if out of a tub, but as the massive piles of wood and smoker out back indicated, you're not here for those.  So I passed.

All in all, a good stop, but not worth a pilgrimage.  If it's that you're looking for, continue on to Prause's Market in LaGrange, and get there early.

Oh, nearly forgot, stopped in the butcher shop/processing plant next door.

I have high hopes for this.  Two small cases of meat hidden behind dirty and foggy plexiglass, a giant bloody table, plenty of knives and slicers, and very friendly proprietors.  I used my last $12 (cash only at both places) to get some hickory-smoked, rind-on bacon, and some homemade hot links, which I plan on throwing on the smoker next time I fire up a butt.

Summary

Atmosphere:  hole in the wall cafeteria-style barbecue joint, a place where everyone knows your name...well, not mine but everyone else in there

Food:  barbecue

Dog Friendly:  no

When to Go:  lunch

Crowd:  locals, locals, and locals

What to Order for the First Timer:  sausage