Cowtown Diner - Fort Worth, TX

Had lunch at the Cowtown Diner in Fort Worth today, which is a great spot to stop in for a bite if you're in the neighborhood.  Relatively new, it's right down off of Sundance Square, with upscale diner / home cooking food, which is done really well.   For lunch they've got a wide selection of salads and sandwiches, as well as twists on classic diner food like meatloaf, salisbury steak, pot pies and of course chicken fried steak, so you are able to eat as heavy or as light as you'd like.  The dinner menu, with the exception of a couple fish dishes, is more diner-centric and is going to lean on the heavier side of things, evidenced by their claim of having the worlds largest chicken fried steak for $69.95, free if you eat it all.  Is John Candy coming to mind at all here?

Great spot for lunch, and though I haven't been for dinner, I'd guess it's a good place to take the family, but may not be the best place to start an evening out, unless "out" means "nap" in whatever language you speak.

As I do quite a bit, I asked the waitress what the best thing on the menu was, to which she replied, "the chicken fried chicken".

Chicken Fried Chicken.  I'll tell you what I told her.  I'm anti-chicken fried chicken.  The whole concept of chicken fried chicken stems from chicken fried steak.  Chicken fried steak was a way of cooking a piece of steak like fried chicken.  So chicken fried chicken is chicken fried like a chicken fried steak which is steak fried like fried chicken.  So it's really just fried chicken, so you may as well just be done with it and order fried chicken.  But then I got to thinking, is it really?

Let's break this down.  Chicken fried chicken is defined as chicken fried like a chicken fried steak which is steak fried like fried chicken.   So, if chicken fried steak is steak fried like fried chicken, then chicken fried chicken is really chicken fried like a steak fried like fried chicken.  So what is chicken fried like a steak fried like fried chicken?   Well, for that lets look at it formulaically:

Chicken Fried Chicken = Chicken fried like Chicken Fried Steak

CFC = CF(CFS)

Chicken Fried Steak = Steak fried like Fried Chicken

CFS = SF(FC)

Substituting the definition of chicken fried steak for chicken fried steak in the definition of chicken fried chicken, we get

CFC = CFSF(FC)

or as our distributive property might otherwise state

CFC =  CFSFFFC

and since we all know that F is really just F, that means

CFC = CFSFFFC

or 

CFC = C²F⁴S

So, really, ordering chicken fried chicken really isn't anything like ordering fried chicken.  It's like ordering a steak and a chicken stuffed in a chicken (or a family of chickens, I'm not exactly sure what you get when you multiply a chicken times a chicken, I'm not a mathematician) which is then fried, then fried again, and again, and then again one last time.

Further...and this is scary...if you just divide it all by C to get the definition of chicken fried, chicken fried is really equal to a steak and a chicken fried four times successively...building, building, and building on each previous frying like the plaque building up in my arteries just thinking about this devilmethod of cooking!   

Sorry, I think I got off tangent...wait though, let's stay on that track for a second.  I feel compelled to share something even more scary than all of that fried fat, and even more scary than me spending time and thought on all of that.  Scarier that all of that is what you get on page four of the search results for "chicken fried steak formula" on Google Images.  Fair warning that the following images are graphic and may not be suitable for all audiences.

and

Wow.  So I ordered the Brisket Reuben.  It was good.

Summary

Atmosphere:  family friendly sit down restaurant with tables and booths, good for groups, good for families, good for a lunch meeting, good for a drink after work

Food:  upscale diner food

When to Go:  lunch, dinner with the family

Crowd:  scantily clad heffers, businesspeople, bearded Harley riding centaurs

What to Order for the First Timer:  anything not chicken fried, for the love of God and your own health!